Abstract

The student selects an event that form their basis of literacy narrative. It should reflect the importance and implications of the student to show their perspective of language and literacy politics.

My experience as an ESL student

     I’m an ESL student and I’m proud of it. ESL stands for English as a Second Language. I was born in the United States, but I wasn’t taught English, for my parents didn’t know how to speak the language. I was taught Spanish instead. When I first entered school, I spoke in Spanish and only knew how to introduce myself in English. As a result, I was given extra composition, reading and speech class.

I started taking speech class in the 3rd grade, during PE and art. I remember hating Speech because I wasn’t involved in the “fun” activities. While the rest of the class went to have fun, I would go to a small room in the basement to practice speaking and writing in English. The room was rather plain with gray walls, four desks in the center with blue chairs. The teacher’s desk was in the upper right corner with an office chair, and the clock was centered in the middle of the wall on the left. I had a textbook and on the cover there were children smiling. It made me hate it even more, I would read passages out loud to my speech teacher, and answer questions while she marked up documents. The texts weren’t hard, they were simplified, it made me feel inferior and envious of the other students. During group work, the teacher was often my in class partner. When I asked why I couldn’t be with the other students, the teacher told me I needed extra help. It made me feel ashamed and embarrassed that I was considered “special”; the students treated me differently.

When I got the chance to participate in group discussions, my classmates didn’t bother to make me part of the group. I adapted to not speak in group discussions unless my thoughts were in order and written down. My thoughts had to sound reasonable or logical. I started to break this habit in the beginning of 6^th grade, I was assigned to a new speech teacher. She was young and confident. She spoke in a thick German accent with a smile on her face. She would often tell me my responses were too structured and formal, with no “spice.”By “spice” she meant individuality; my answers had no feelings, I couldn’t claim them as mine.  By feelings,she meant “my voice.” She made me speak to her as the way I spoke with my family; the English that doesn’t sound proper. I was nervous, that I would be judged and no one would understand. I followed her advice, I raised my hand in class; I shuttered, I turned red (and I still do) but I spoke. The class was silent for 5 seconds, my mind was a mess. I thought of ways of how I should’ve reworded my statement. Until a classmate raised her hand to clarify and added on.

My English was improper, it went against standard English. How would I be able to fit in social settings, if all those around me spoke and wrote in Standard English? I would be seen as an inferior. I took extra composition class; I would go to a separate classroom during 2^nd and 6^th period. This classroom was similar to the room I gone before for speech. The walls weren’t gray but white. There were no teacher’s desk, just student desks, chairs and a clock. In this room, I would read, write and take exams. By the end of each month, I would receive a report of my English. This report was rather bland, I ether received a P for pass or an F for fail. Each night I would read three hours, record myself reading, and send it to my teacher as a reading log. In speech class, I would be conscious of my mouth and tongue movement. The vowels and consonants I spoke, had to be clear, and précised in time. However, none of the others students had to do this. Wasn’t this enough to improve my English? Of course not, I wasn’t ‘normal’ as the other students, I was ‘special’. Then, how can I get rid of this label. Do I have to practice speaking in front of a mirror, do I have to ask people to repeat the word more than once, or do I not speak at all? The fear of not being understood has made me reticent. I write with my voice, for the words I was unable to speak are written for all to see. It may not have been perfect, but it was my English.

The inability to speak or write in standard English has become a great issue in society.  Any other form of English than standard English isn’t tolerated. At a young age, children are taught to follow standard English. Those who know standard English are praised but those who are unable are ignored, and looked down upon. For some, standard English is unrealistic and unfair.  The English language is hard to comprehensive: the structure, words, and definitions are constantly changing. Thus, making it hard for ESL or ELL learners to understand.

Language is powerful. Language is often associated with race, identity or acts of racism. It should be an individual’s voice, in terms of individuality. By individuality, I mean personality, roots, heritage and self-expression. Since, language is our way of communicating, and creating new relationships. My experience as an ESL student can be applied to people coming into the United States of America, who speak no English. No matter how much effort, we place into perfecting standard English, a sense of incompleteness is left. A sense of identity is lost, we loss our voices, to be shaped into “ideal model individuals”. We weren’t born to be copies, but unique individuals. These people will struggle with the language barrier, and seen inferior because those who speak in broken English or no English are seen uneducated and uncivilized. But why? Who made this rule? Well, speaking in standard English is the norm in American society to be seen professional and ‘civilized’. But why can’t I speak in an accent or broken English to be seen professional? But, what if that’s the way I’m used to speaking. And what if a great majority of people speak that way? Then, there shouldn’t be prejudice against those who speak broken English or any form of English. Times are changing, yet there isn’t much change in tolerance. Whether the way someone speaks in broken English or standard English, it should only be considered a way of communication and self-expression. Language should show individuality, and flexibility.